speaking through signage

There were many signs whose messages spoke volumes by the fact that they existed. Of course, there were many signs in Hindi or Telegu (I'm only guessing the languages) that I had no idea what they were saying.This first one was at the Birla Mandir (Hindu temple dedicated to Lord Vankateshwara.)

Bragging points from Aalankrita Resort


In most parts of the city trash cans weren't noticeable. This one was at the resort, where the environment was generally much cleaner and more beautiful.


I saw children right under this sign pulling leaves off of the bushes. I remember how much fun that was when I was a kid, and if there were signs telling me not to do it, I never noticed them.

designs outside the home

It's quite common to see fairly elaborate designs just outside the home. They might be outside an apartment, but inside the building, or outside a house. Often they are done in white, but on the morning of the new year of 2008, many houses in the neighborhood had much larger designs that extended into the street with all kinds of colors and with words added such as Happy New Year 2008. It seems there's usually someone in the household who takes this on because she loves doing making these symmetric designs. I didn't get a photo of the colorful ones because the camera wasn't working for a few days. One girl aged 19 was very proud of her New Year's design; it took her until 4:30 in the morning to finish it, then she slept until she had to get up about 7 a.m. to go to work. January 1 is not an official holiday in India.

This design was outside a home that was on an alley just across from a tailor's shop. The story I heard on the origin of these designs is: before walkways and streets were paved, it could get quite dusty outside the home. To prevent dust from being walked inside, cow dung (which I was told does not harbor bacteria) was spread over the dirt. Then a design was made on it using rice powder. This rice powder was an offering for the ants. If they fed the ants on the outside, they might be satisfied and not come in the house. These days, the cow dung step is skipped, at least where there's concrete.
If someone knows more about this tradition, or if I got something wrong, please comment.

links to others' photos of the wedding and India

Although I still plan to post some of my photos, if you want to see more professional photos, here are some links:

Professional photographer's photographs part one
Professional photographer's photographs part two

Mark's father's photographs part one: Bride and Groom Making Ceremonies
Mark's father's photographs part two: Mehndi celebration
Mark's father's photographs part three: Wedding Ceremony, part 1
Mark's father's photographs part four: Wedding Ceremony, part 2

Mark's cousin Gretchen Wegner's and Katherine's photographs:

traveling back

My first plane left at 3:35 a.m. The rest of the trip, it was hard to know what time it was. It was easier to keep track of what day it was because I knew that I was leaving on January 12, and also returning on January 12, even though the trip was over 25 hours. There's an 11.5 hour time difference, and you lose the time on the way over, and get it back on the return trip.

The taxi ride was a bit exciting. It arrived about 45 minutes later than I expected, and involved several phone calls from my clinic hosts to the taxi company. The driver assured me that he'd get me there in plenty of time, and he did. I thought that at one in the morning, there wouldn't be much traffic. Traffic was lighter than during the day, but in some ways crazier. My cab drive did a lot of honking as several times vehicles were coming directly at us with their headlights on. One of these vehicles was a wide truck/cart with hay hanging over the sides. He wove around them and mentioned that a lot of drivers at this time have been drinking, so it's not really safe to be out. We did talk about how wonderful Hyderabad people are. He said that everyone there is equal to each other -- Muslims and Hindus respect each other and are not "angry on each other" and that makes for a nice atmosphere. The driver said his schedule is 15 days on night shift, then 15 days on the day shift. A previous drive told me that he's on duty 7 days/week and had been driving a taxi for 13 years! This driver asked me how long I had been at the clinic and how happy I was. He often does the airport runs for this clinic and meets people from all over the world this way. After he asked me about my happiness level, he told me about a previous patient who had been very happy. She was a young woman whose fingers were curled over and she couldn't bend them when she arrived. On the return trip, she could straighten them out. He was demonstrating all of this while maneuvering through the traffic. She was so happy, she asked him if he preferred his tip in rupees or dollars. He said she tipped him $50 (for a $10 taxi ride). I said she must have been very happy AND very rich! We had been told that a reasonable and fair tip was 50 rupees (about $1.25) I think he wished I was happier and richer! At the airport, my luggage was passed to a man who had a cart. I had been warned that the carts are free and that I shouldn't let anyone convince me that I needed them to help me. However, at this point, it was a lot easier not to argue, and I was happy to be at the airport. I quickly realized how valuable the "cart man" was. He knew exactly what lines I needed to be in and maneuvered me through the crowds and got me to the right line. The signage in Indian airports isn't that great, or perhaps I just don't understand the language they are posted in so I don't really see them. I was happy to tip this man 40 rupees. He would have been happy with 10, but by now, I was very happy and I liked his manner and efficiency and felt he deserved a generous tip. My last tip in India was when I used the rest room and the lady at the door offered me a roll of toilet paper and showed me to a clean Western style toilet stall. She didn't ask for a tip, but I thought I should give her something, so I gave her 2 rupees. It was probably the appropriate amount, but she said no, it was 10 rupees. Luckily, I had one more 10 rupee note and gave it to her, again, glad of her services. While I was waiting for boarding, I found a postcard to Mom that I hadn't mailed yet and started looking around for a "letter box". I didn't see many of those in India, and didn't get the lay of the land for where they keep them. I asked a room attendant, who was making sure that everyone's hand baggage was properly security-tagged and that people were sitting down rather than walking around to stretch before the 10+ hour flight (I know that was one of the duties because another attendant had asked me to sit down.) The attendant said there wasn't a letter box around there and I should just mail it when I got to the next airport (Amsterdam) or to the U.S. I told her it wouldn't work with the Indian stamps. So she said she would personally mail it for me. I thought that was thoughtful of her. She didn't ask, nor did I even think of tipping her. Mom, I'll be curious if you ever get the postcard. Even if she mails it soon, I don't think it will come for a couple of months.

Before going to the airport, I had been blessed and garlanded by the in-residence pandit. It seemed that most people remove their garlands before they leave the house, but I decided to leave mine on. I think it helped while going through security. The "frisk" lady mentioned what a nice garland it was.

The only delay on the legs of the trip was in Detroit while waiting for the Cedar Rapids plane to board. Close to take-off time, they announced that there was a delay due to not knowing where the flight attendant was. As soon as she was located, they would be able to board us. I appreciated their honesty, though it was the funniest excuse I've heard! John met me at the airport, and now I'm home and doing well at adjusting to the difference in temperature, time zone, climate and people. It was a wonderful trip; it's also nice to be home again.

weight

I'd been cautioned before my trip that many people gain weight while in India, especially if they go to a wedding. At the end of the trip, the weight that I was concerned about wasn't my own, but the weight of my luggage. It had certainly gained a lot of weight! (I came home very close to the same as when I left, despite all the delicious food that I ate and the fact that I didn't feel sick at any time during the trip.) I left with one suitcase of 54 pounds and 2 carry-ons, including a laptop I was carrying over for someone. Returning, the rules are that you can only have one carry-on, but can have 2 suitcases with a maximum of 50 pounds each. I may not have quite hit the maximum weight on one of my bags, but I did hit the maximum of space. As a new friend from England suggested I "jettisoned" quite a lot of things I brought with me, but really didn't want to take home. The extra weight was mostly gifts and some things I bought, although I didn't think I was that excessive. It's a good thing I didn't buy a lot of the things I was considering. They took too much space.

on the roof

The other night, I went up to the roof of the clinic I'm staying in to hang some laundry to dry. The 4th floor is also affectionately known as the Penthouse. There is one patient room up there, but mostly it's a flat roof. There are clotheslines all over for hanging laundry to dry. There is a small washing machine on the roof, and numerous buckets for washing the clothes. I don't think anyone has a clothes dryer; everyone hangs clothes outside of windows, or the front porch, or wherever they can, even in the best of neighborhoods. Another energy efficient technique the Indians use. (I got "scolded" for doing my own laundry by the lady who sweeps the house. She said Lakshmi does the laundry. It is a bit difficult for me, but I think it is both pride in one's work, and job security that I don't do my own.) After the laundry dries, they leave stacks, something like my mother used to leave after the family's laundry was done and folded, and everyone picks up their own clothes -- on a bench on the roof. I wonder what they do during monsoon season?

That same night, for the 1st time since coming to India, I saw stars! I recognized Orion. The patch that was visible was not too large; it seemed to be a break in the clouds that was quite beautiful. In the city, I don't know if I forgot to look up, or if the skies were hazy or cloudy, or if there was too much light -- probably some combination of the above -- so I didn't see stars like I often do in my own backyard. A couple days later, in the early morning, I saw the sunrise.

Another thing that takes place on the roof is traditional vedic ceremonies which the pandit performs. A brick firepit is built right near the middle of the rooftop with laundry hanging on a couple of sides and people watching from the other 2 sides. No one minds a multipurpose room here; in fact, most rooms I've seen have many purposes.

I have also observed the cooks having their meals up here, sitting right on the roof. This seems to be common. At Smriti's home, they have had the same wonderful cook for 16 years and she is like part of the family in many ways. after everyone else had eaten, she took her meals sitting on the floor of the kitchen in her lovely saris. Although it might seem quite odd to us, it seems to feel quite natural to them (both the sitting on the floor part, and the fact that there are servants who do a lot of the work of running a household). Smriti's family said that it is difficult now to get cooks because so many go abroad for better wages. They feel lucky to have one they love, and who loves them. She works 7 days a week. Six days she starts at 8:30 am, and on Sundays she comes later in the morning after church. Usually she leaves in the early evening, I think. I wasn't often around at the time when she left. the evening meal is consumed around 8:30. For the most part, I think she prepared it in advance and it gets warmed up when it's time to eat.

signs and wisdom

Here are a few signs I've seen:

Billboard with words only: My father is the best. He wears a helmet.

Obey the traffic rules...

Don't use mobile phones while driving.

Some quotes from people I've met on this journey:

"For every problem, there is a solution." said by Jyotsna after the florist called at 4pm to say she couldn't do the flowers for the 8:00 event that night because her daughter's birthday party was getting bigger than she had planned. Jyotsna said she could have yelled at her, but what good would it do; she had already made up her mind. So, Jyotsna found another florist friend who provided very nice table decorations for the outdoor cocktail party/banquet.

"Life is beautiful. Enjoy it." parting blessing from Smriti's grandfather to me. He had a recurrence of a medical problem 2 days before the wedding, and was not feeling very well for those days, but he did make it to the wedding for the most important part, and was there to give the blessing of the grandfather, which brought tears to my eyes.

"If everyone was in bed early and asleep by 10 p.m. with their meal digested, cancer would virtually be eliminated from the planet." AW quoting Dr. K. (From 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. is pitta time when the body's energy is directed toward purification. Giving the body this time to do it's job makes the body purer and leads to more clarity of mind and better action during the day.)

transportation

There are many modes of transportation in India. I'll try to describe some that I've seen or experienced. Since I've been doing fairly local excursions, I haven't used the country's airplanes or trains, although I've heard stories.

Personal cars
Middle class people often seem to own a car. Women were the principal drivers among the ones I met, but that is probably not representative. Cars are small (Tata & Varun being two brand names I've noticed). My Honda Civic would seem large here. The streets are very crowded and being able to squeeze (almost literally) among vehicles, people, carts, etc. with inches to spare is necessary. One man I met told me that a few years ago his commute to work was 30 minutes, the next year it was 60 minutes, this year it's 90 minutes. He said "Who knows, maybe next year I won't make it." (btw, his advice to me for surviving in India traffic was "Don't look out the window." I noticed 3 Camrys on the streets during multiple jaunts, and they are largely out of place and not very practical. One of Smriti's aunts, a software executive, was driving her daughter's vehicle (small size) and said she has a larger one at home but doesn't use it much because it's too large to be practical.

Taxis
This is a very handy mode for getting around, and quite comfortable. You hire someone (minimum of 4 hours, maximum of 40 km.) for about 400 rupees (~$10) and they'll take you places and wait for you. The first thing they do is try to exchange cell phone numbers so you can call them as soon as you're ready to go to the next destination. Each taxi has a "song" that plays when he's backing up. When I was first in India, I thought I was hearing cell phone ring tones. I've heard a few I recognized: e.g. "It's a Small World After All" "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" When I went to Osmania University, they sent a car for me (Jyotsna said they should do this, otherwise I'd get lost). I had no idea how long I'd be there, so I was surprised when the driver indicated he would wait. When it was time for lunch, the driver took the director, the professor and I to Suprabhat (a restaurant). Afterwards, he wasn't visible, but the others didn't seem surprised. While we were waiting for him to reappear, I watched other traffic patterns like...

Buses
I was warned not to try these, but here's how it works. There are official bus stops where many people wait. However, if anyone wants to get on or off at any other time, you're welcome to do so as long as you can run and jump on, or exit similarly. I saw it happen many times; it is commonplace. With so much traffic, you can't really drive that fast. Often, there are many people hanging off the side entrances. The buses can get really crowded. Raja (who takes the bus the 25 km to work at Hyderabad University) and Jyotsna's mother (much to the family's dismay, but she is an independent thinker) are the only family members who regularly take the bus.

Autorickshaws
These are so common! They can seat 3 people close together on the back seat, and maybe one in the front. I've seen 6+ people in them. Usually these are for short, quick jaunts. They are open-air and run on a 3 cycle motorcycle type engine. They (and everyone else) sound their horns regularly. This lets people know you're coming and there are even signs on the backs of many trucks and autos that say "Please sound horn." Some "beep" more aggressively than others. The autorickshaws may also be loaded (and I do mean loaded with provisions (grains, vegetables, wood, huge sacks, just about anything)-- more than you'd think can be carried. These work by meter (often broken), or by negotiating a price with the driver before you get in.

Motorcycles and Scooters
These are very common and quite practical for getting around in crowded traffic, but you really do have to watch out for them. It's common to see a man driving with a woman in a sari riding sidesaddle behind him. It's also quite common to see a child in front and a child in back of the couple. Some have told me they've seen as many as 6 riding on one of these. Mark's best man, Greg, who flew in from Minnesota to Mark's surprise (and to Greg's surprise, ended up being the best man and very much a part of the ceremonies) commented "This is India's version of the minivan." These are also seen carrying big loads. I've never seen one lose its balance! It's also rare to see anyone with a helmet on.

Bicycles
Bicycles are common for people of all ages. They can be carrying unbelievably huge loads as well.

Carts pulled by oxen
I didn't see these until I was near the edge of the city, but then I've seen several. These also carry huge, huge loads and move slowly through the traffic.

Walking
This is very common. People walk near the sides of the road, or on the road. Some of the beeping is to warn them. I haven't seen any accidents. On only one trip were the roads free enough of traffic for the driver to get up a speed which seemed fast, but was probably equivalent to about 40 miles per hour.

construction

This is a 4th story being added to a home. The bricks, piles of gravel, etc. get left in the street, maybe in front of the house under construction, maybe in front of a neighbor's house. From the pace I observed, it could be months before this project will be completed. No one seems to mind the supplies in the street.

There are construction sites everywhere. I tried to take pictures of some workers yesterday and they seemed to want them taken. So, I approached closer and they removed the rags they had on their heads (who wouldn't want to look their best for a photo?) and posed. It is the rags that protect their heads from all the dust they carry, etc.

This morning, a couple of the ladies I photographed yesterday saw me. Today they had huge bags they were carrying on their heads. They pointed to the bags and I'm pretty sure they wanted me to get a picture of them carrying the bags. I think the bags were filled with sand. I didn't have the camera with me, and after I went inside to get it, I couldn't find them again. Here's a picture a few days later of the pile of gravel which I saw being carried on a plate balanced on a man's head, and him walking up 3 flights of stairs with it. If you look carefully at the front of the gravel pile, I think you can see a plate of gravel there.

In addition to a lot of construction, I walked through a tent area where apparently a lot of the maids for this area work. It reminded me of the contrast (only rather more extreme) between the Palo Alto/Stanford area and East Palo Alto. Many of the tents are patched together pieces of plastic (the yellow surrounding the "front door" of the tent on the left is an example of this) or fabric. They literally are like the tents we used to play in as children with a blanket over a clothesline. It's no wonder the workers have a difficult time reaching the standards of cleanliness expected by Westerners. Living with a dirt floor and no walls to wash, and no bathroom, how would one know where to begin? Yesterday, one of the cleaners here was sweeping the floor, and I was cleaning off a glass table that had some wax spilled on it and a few days of dust -- it gathers quickly in this area. The cleaner stopped me and indicated that she would do it. Sometimes just knowing what to do is all they need. Many of them do have a sense of pride in their station in life.

in the park

There's a lovely park I pass through a few times a day. Each time has different activities going on. The park is divided by hedges of bushes, and has a central walkway. There are numerous hedged sections. In the morning, there's a relatively large man doing yoga. Yesterday, he was doing the bridge as I passed by. There are also the workers who seem to be weeding. They have small scythes but I haven't seen them in action, other than one lady holding hers up to wave at me. The two ladies in saris were about half way across the area today and behind them were piles of grass. as with most workers, they don't seem to be moving quickly, but must pace themselves as most of them seem to work very long days. 12 hours is not uncommon.

Yesterday I noticed some unusual (for me) butterflies and I was trying to get a picture of them on a flowering tree. There was a boy about 10-12 who appeared to be mentally challenged who was following my activities with interest and trying to find more butterflies for me. After I got all that I could, he posed for a picture. As I was exiting the park there were 3 girls on bicycles who seemed eager to have their photos taken, so I took theirs and showed them afterwards.

In different areas of the park around 5:30 there were 5 men who were chanting while reading from some books -- possibly prayers or the vedas, a group of women relaxing, some young children playing with sticks and the bushes on the center pathway, the same weeders that were there in the morning, a group of young boys playing cricket, some couples strolling together -- each in their own section apparently oblivious to the rest of the sections. It is refreshing to see the green. The people are getting friendlier the longer I am here.

pulse

Pulse has a couple of meanings here. Pulses are the beans in dahls, one of the protein staples. I learned since coming here that not all Indians are vegetarians. The brahmin caste is vegetarian, ksatriya's (warrior caste) isn't because they need the strength to fight), the merchant class is often vegetarian, and the shudras (servants) generally are not. I'm sure there are exceptions to all, and different interpretations to be discovered. A couple of Smriti's friends told me they would really miss mutton biryani if they had to be vegetarians.

Pulse diagnosis is the method the vaidyas (doctors) use in Ayurvedic medicine. When the doctor felt my pulse, in just a few seconds, he told me I had the beginning stages of arthritis (also diagnosed in Western medicine close to 20 years ago), and that there is a history of arthritis in my family (true) and a history of diabetes in my family (true) but that I don't have it yet, that I have back and neck problems (ture) due to an injury about 30 years ago (I don't recall a specific event, but 26 years ago was rear-ended, and about 31 years ago I fell badly enough that I wrote a poem about it). A good ayurvedic practitioner can also feel the seeds of future diseases and offer preventive solutions. This is what I'm here for, continuing to keep disease at bay, or remove it if possible. For many years I've been having yearly treatments when I feel my joints start to stiffen a bit, and find that these have kept me flexible and keep stiffness at a minimum.

Everyday in this clinic, the Doctor feels my pulse and will prescribe treatments based on what I need at the time. Today, my third day he said "very good, more relaxed" and answered my questions. Everyone is quite kind. The technicians are trained for 6 months before they get a job here. One of them I met yesterday said her birthday is today, but that her family never celebrated birthdays. She's from a village in Andhra Pradesh and has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. She was surprised to hear the I have 7 brothers and 4 sisters. Many times, language is a difficulty; sometimes even the accent if a barrier. In the massage room, prezir means pressure. Sleep means lie down. Turn sometimes sounds the same as done, but then I realized when we're done they say "finished". Most of the time, it's quiet and I just relax and enjoy.

Today the doorways are decorated colorfully with Happy New Year designs. Last night there were fireworks at midnight and lots of cheering.

The community I'm in now is outside of town and has a lot less traffic and pollution. The students are dressed in uniforms for school and I haven't seen any Western clothes at all being worn, unlike in the big city where there are lots of saris, salvars and kurtis, or is that kurtas - one is short and one is long and I forget which is which - (aka punjabis by some) and lots of Western style clothing: tops, jeans, etc. Another example of the contrasts in India. And I've only seen one city and its surroundings.

geezers

Since it time for Happy New Year greetings, and there might be someone singing Auld Lang Syne, I think it's time to tell you about old geezers. When I first arrived in India, I was introduced to the geezer in the bathroom. It's a hot water heater, actually quite an efficient way of not having to keep a huge tank of water heated up all the time. You can turn the switch on about an hour before bathing, and then fill up your bucket of water and use the small scooper to rinse yourself. Sometimes the bathrooms also come with shower heads, but the one I have now does not have that. Actually, my geezer isn't working, so I've gotten to experience plumbers in India. Last night, after getting to my new room for Phase III of this trip (my ayurvedic treatments) (Phase I is all the surroundings of the wedding; Phase II were my talks at the colleges) we turned on the geezer to test it out. After a couple of minutes of 'warm up time' it sounded like an explosion, and water was squirting all over the bathroom. A plumber was called, and arrived about 10:30 at night. He couldn't fix it, but he did know how to turn off the water and hook up a hose that would stop it from squirting. He didn't speak English, so the only message I understood was that he couldn't fix it right then. tonight, another plumber arrived. He spoke some English and was accompanied by two younger women in saris with gunnysack type shopping bags. It's the same kind of thing our dinners are carried to the apartment in, and I don't know everyone who works here yet, so I wasn't sure if it was dinner and a plumber, or what. Turns out his tools and spare parts were in the bags. He also didn't have the right part and because of the holiday, said it would be two days before he can get the right part. The women sat on the floor while he worked. Then he wanted to know when I would be in my room in two days because he has to drive 25 kilometers to get here and can't make the trip twice. I just talked to the man who lived in that apartment before me and he said his geezer also blew up. Mine is a new one. In the meantime, don't worry, I have a nice place to take my shower, and the treatments are fantastic! India continues to be a place of contrasts. More next year.

Ayurvedic massage

Yesterday, between the wedding, the lunch served on banana leaves, and the evening reception, there was several hours time, so I booked a 90 minute ayurvedic massage. The therapist was trained in Kerala, a state known for many resorts with this. After a head massage that involved tapping, among other things, she had me lie down on a mat and towel on the ground. After lying down for awhile and feeling the massage, I opened my eyes and realized that she was massaging me with her feet! She held on to a rope from above for balance and was going up and down and pounding in places -- all stokes I couldn't imagine doing so smoothly with feet. She was ambifootrous -- I peeked again and saw that she switched feet. The massage continued on a table using hands, then I spent time in a steam box. Others said there was an I love Lucy episodes about this long ago. The Raj experience and results are much more refined and enjoyable for me, but the price difference is comparative in the quality of results. It was a good experience.

The wedding ceremony

Thanks to Gretchen, the groom's cousin for posting the text to her blog and letting me copy it. Thanks also to the family for preparing beautiful folders and guides to the ceremony for those of us for which it was a new experience. I can't wait to add pictures. So far on this trip, I've taken almost 500 (that's compared to about 100 in the past 10 years). Lots to see and hear.

The Wedding Ceremony

The Hindu wedding ceremony is a sacrament contained in the Vedas (Ancient scriptures), from the Vedic period, which historians place between 5000-3000 BC. The wedding is performed to unite two souls so firmly that although their bodies remain separate, their souls unite and harmoniously become one. The couple embarks on a new life enriched by their union, with the blessings of God, their ancestors and elders, and the good wishes of all of their friends and relatives. The wedding takes place under the sacred altar known as the mandapam. The four pillars of the mandapam symbolize the four parents of the bride and groom and the vital role they have played in raising their children, sheltering them, and supporting them The ceremony embraces the five elements of nature: fire, earth, water, air, and light. The priest reads mantras from the Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, the root of many modern Indian languages.


The Wedding Rites
Worship of the Goddess Gowri.
In a private ceremony before the start of the wedding, the bride performs a puja to invoke the blessings of Goddess Gowri, the icon of an ideal wife, for a long, prosperous, and happy married life.


Welcoming the Groom.
The groom is escorted to the mandapam by his family members and friends, and is received by the bride's parents. He prepares himself for the ensuing wedding rites by performing a purification ceremony. This ceremony begins with a prayer to Lord Ganesha, who is the remover of all obstacles and symbolizes truth and light. Also, during this ceremony the parents wash the groom's feet, just as they would wash the idol of the God in the temple; this symbolizes that they are acknowledging that on this important day, both bride and groom are manifestations of God.

Bond of Protection.
A sanctified thread dipped in turmeric water, which protects the wearer from harm and trouble, is tied to the right wrist of the groom with the blessings of Durga, the Goddess of Power.

Entrance of the Bride.
Before the bride enters, a cloth screen is held in front of the groom. The couple does not see each other until the auspicious moment, previously determined by Hindu astrology (for Mark and Smriti, this was 10:42 am, and Chuck's digital watch was the official time keeper). The maternal aunts and uncles of the bride escort her to the mandapam, followed by her female cousins and close friends. The bride carries a green coconut sprinkled with turmeric and kumkum (vermillino powder) to ward off evil spirits (in this case, Smriti was delivered sitting in a large red basket...too bad Mark missed seeing his wife-to-be in a basket; he was on the other side of the cloth!). She seats herself between her parents on the opposite side of the screen from the groom.

Giving the Bride away.
The bride's father offers her hand to the groom and declares that on this auspicious day he is giving his daughter away. The groom takes her hand and together they take a solemn oath in the presence of God to remain entirely devoted to each other. They declare that their hearts have been united and that they have become one.

Auspicious Time for the Wedding.
This is the most auspicious time of the wedding, when the bride and groom place a paste of jaggery, turmeric powder, and cumin on each other's heads; the three ingredients of the mixture represent their commitment to share their life through sweet and bitter times. The screen between the couple is then removed, signifying that the two separate individuals are now united in marriage.

Tying the Auspicious Thread.
The groom ties the Mangala Sutra (the auspicious thread with two gold pendants) around the bride's neck, making three knots. These knots symbolize the bonding between the two souls for a hundred years. The necklace that is created is the Indian version of the wedding ring; the bride will wear it always, so that people know she is married.

Shower of Rice.
The bride and groom shower each other with sanctified rice and flower petals, symbolizing a happy, prosperous, and peaceful married life. This is a fun competition, with the onlookers egging on both bride and groom to really let the other have it!

Taking of the Hand.
The couple holds hands and takes their vows in the presence of the Lord and of those assembled. The two then exchange garlands.

Knot of Commitment.
To symbolize their union, the loose ends of the bride and groom's garments are tied together in a knot, symbolizing a firm and lasting commitment.

Fire Altar.
A small fire is lit and the couple offers prayers to Agni, the God of fire, by placing butter and herbs into the flames. Agni dispels ignorance from our lives and leads us to eternal light and knowledge.

Seven Steps.
The couple takes seven steps. With each step the couple takes a vow. The first step to nourish each other and develop our physical, mental, and spiritual powers; the second step to grow together in strength, through the sharing of experiences, and by enabling each other to blossom infinitely; the third step to create and share great prosperity; the fourth step to commit to the pursuit of life long happiness, daily filling our hearts with joy, peace, and spiritual practice; the fifth step to care for and protect the integrity, honor, and well being of our family and friends; the sixth step to help in humanitarian work, lessen suffering, and promote human good; and, the seventh step to be united in life-long friendship and mutual devotion in all phases of our lives.

Auspicious Camphor Light.
The ceremony ends with the offering of good wishes to the bride and groom with lighted camphor.

Reverence to a Legendary Couple.
The priest points in the direction of the binary star, named after the legendary seer couple Vasishta and Arundhati, to whom the couple offers reference and prays for guidance.

Giving the Bride to the Groom's Family.
The bride's family offer gifts and blessings to the members of the groom's family. Chuck and Vicky sat together first to symbolize the Hakkarinen family, and then Gretchen sat to symbolize the Wegner family.

Blessing.
The priest and family bless the newly married couple.

wedding festivities

Prior to the actual wedding ceremony, which is tomorrow, the close family gathers to bless the bride. That was yesterday. Since the groom's family is not from India, the bride's family did both blessings in their apartment. It starts about 7:30 in the a.m. with anointing of oil on the head (symbolic of keeping your cool), the marks in the center of the forehead with turmeric and the red paste, dried rice sprinkled in the hair for blessings, the offering of fire (purifies negative thoughts and offers the light of knowledge). Neither the bride or groom are left alone to sit for this ceremony. Smriti had her sister and 2 cousins with her. Each one gets the blessings from numerous family members (including me as the host mother). Then new clothes are give to each of them, symbolic of taking on a new life, and they are sent to shower and change. Mark sat with his best man for this.

Smriti then gets dressed up for about 1.5 hours -- her hair is plaited (braided) in a traditional way with flowers all the way up and down and special jewelry, and gorgeous sari, specific makeup that the mother applies, each with a meaning. She reappears as a beautiful princess! After a delicious lunch for about 25, Smriti has to change yet again for the application of henna.

That took several hours. The designs are elaborate. One arm represents the groom and has designs of ganesh (remover of obstacles) and a man on an elephant (a traditional way of a groom arriving) amidst many more designs. The other arm represents the bride. Her legs and feet also get decorated. The henna artist is a professional and very quick, using squeeze tubes similar (but much smaller) to ones I've seen used for cake decorating. The henna stays on until it dries, then flakes off.


Kirtana (sister) doesn't like the henna and didn't want to sleep in the bed with Smriti last night as it does chip off all night long. I had some small designs put on my hands at the evening celebration, and my bed was crunchy enough! The longer you leave it on, the darker the stain, so for a wedding two days away, Smriti wants it as dark as possible.

In the evening, there was a party for 100 at "Our Space" a nice facility with a dais and a dance floor, plus a buffet of Smriti's favorite "chaat" (snacks that were much more like a full meal -- lots of delicious food to sample from different parts of India's ethnic cuisine.) The dancing was fantastic! Nanda is the name for sticks; nandia is a dance using sticks. Each person has two sticks and there are dance steps and "stick tapping" rhythms that go with the music that has a wonderful beat. After every 5 taps everyone twirls around. The colorful saris and men's kirtanas make for a very graceful and lovely scene. There are many varieties of this dance. My description is quite basic, but about as much as I could learn in one night.

I also met many more gracious people yesterday from around India, plus Indians who live in the U.S. who have come and brought their children so they can experience an Indian wedding. There is much cultural pride and for good reason. I met a librarian at the end of the evening who is quite progressive and innovative and was a delight to share stories.

This afternoon, we arrived at the resort where the wedding will take place tomorrow morning for close family, and the reception for 300 will be tomorrow night. I'm going to go explore the beautiful grounds now.

how relative noise is

The levels of sound here are varied: different and the same as the U.S. Right now a dj downstairs is playing loud music. Earlier a nearby store had Santa there and you could hear Jingle Bells being played. I thought that the last few mornings were quieter, or perhaps I was getting used to the noise level. It really is quieter because it's holiday for a lot of people so traffic is less. Raja (Smriti's father) told me that when he was in Germany, it was so quiet that he had to turn on some quiet music for the background so he could sleep.

I shopped on my own today at a department store today, then took an autorickshaw home because I wasn't sure what street to take. It was only a few blocks away, but the driver had to do a u turn across 5 lanes of traffic so he charged me way more than normal. I tried bargaining with no success, but what he did for me was worth it, and I got home without accompaniment and that was a big step for me. Besides, 40 rupees is only a little over $1. Today everyone is doing last minute shopping for Christmas and everything else that is needed to finish up.

Time to celebrate Kirtana's 21st birthday.

honoring the divine in all

In India, there are some deep traditions related to honoring the divinity in everyone and everything. Many examples of this are evident. Guests are treated as if they are god. Luckily, having conversations with God is totally allowed, and opportunities to talk more deeply with Jyotsna (Smriti's mother) about generational changes in India and the world, among other topics, has given me a deeper appreciation for those who pay attention outside of their own boundaries. Jyotsna is truly an example of this. Raja (Smriti's father) played the sitar for us last evening. His guru/teacher is one of the best in India and it listening to his music is transformational to awareness.

I was the recipient of another cultural tradition here: that of honoring the teacher. When I was the keynote speaker at Badruka College at the graduation ceremony of a workshop for librarians learning theory and practice of automated library systems, I was treated with tremendous respect. This was a wonderful interchange with some leaders in the library profession in Andhra Pradesh as well as the teacher of the workshop from Gujurat. Students, other faculty from the college, administrators, PhD students all participated. I was escorted in the taxi by leaders of the college who wanted more time to discuss important issues. When I gave one of the IT faculty a CD of our Focusing on Assignments project, he would not accept it until I autographed it. Several students also wanted my autograph and my "visiting card" (aka business card) after my talk. I also received flowers and a plaque from the director at the end of the ceremony. Not only do Indians honor their teachers, but they also give status to age, and in this situation, I have both. The kindness, appreciation, and understanding of my message made me very glad that this connection came up.

Yesterday I expressed interest in visiting temples while I'm here, so in a couple minutes it was arranged. Smriti's grandmother was the perfect person to take me. Temples can be anywhere in India. I have seen several interspersed with stores right in the middle of traffic. Apparently, that's very common. Jyotsna first took me to the family temple in a nearby neighborhood where we made offerings, received blessings and made a final arrangement for prasad for one of the wedding events. Then the god of money and I met face to face (my first experience using the ATM in India) and after a couple of tries where I used the wrong card, then used the wrong password, it worked and prosperity (thank you Lakshmi) and I are once again linked. Then, back home to be escorted by Grandma via a hired auto-rickshaw to the beautiful marble temple for Vishnu at the top of the hill. This was quite an experience on a busy holiday, lots of people climbing the steps barefoot to the various "stations" until reaching the inner chamber. The silence and power there were powerful. Grandma explained all the outside carvings of the 10 incarnations of Vishnu. I would have missed so much going on my own. We met someone in line from Poona who at the very end, found us again and asked to have our picture taken together. It was only at the end that it occurred to me that I was the only white person in the sea of people who were there.

The last temple was another auto-rickshaw ride away -- grandma's temple. She had a puja done in my honor at Durga's shrine. I could feel the effect immediately in my heart and Being. This temple was just off a busy highway, but while inside, we didn't even notice the sounds of traffic. Inside is a relative word, since it is open air and there is no physical barrier that would diminish the sounds.


Yesterday, we spent in the old city, the Charminar, the Muslim part of the city. It's a big shopping area -- everything from bangles to scouring pads to clothes. We got more accoutrements for the Mehendi celebration before the wedding. The feel in this part of the city was different, still colorful and busy, but perhaps a more serious tone. My connection to today's theme is this: it's the first time I've experienced beggars who were persistent. My "gods" were my family who flanked me on all sides to protect me as we moved through the streets.

May you also feel the divine in yourself and everyone.

Experiencing the contrasts

From cold to warm, culture to culture, familiar food to the unknown, small town to huge city, and exchanging one form of comfort for a completely different kind of comfort, my first 3 days in India are full of life, stories, and experiences I'll only be able to touch on. I'm taking lots of pictures and will share them once I get back to the U.S. For now, imagining the sights and sounds will have to do. In the early morning, I awaken to the most interesting combination of sounds: Indian music wafting in from windows in the neighborhood, brooms sweeping, a cacophany of car and auto-rickshaw horns beeping, an occasional dog barking, motorcycles getting started, a rooster crowing, pigeons cooing, heavy apartment doors opening and closing, a man loudly calling "Abbay, abbay" and the general background of traffic.

I have heard so many stories I wish I had time to share from people on the airplane to Smriti's relatives to librarians I've met. For now, I'll try to share the themes. Many people are passionate when talking about the unity of life and how we are all the same at a basic level, no matter what the religion, race, nationality. The most unexpected people have read the Koran, the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita and come to the conclusion that it's the same God. That's all good on the broad level, but when discussion goes to more personal preferences, sometimes the differences and the obstacles we let them create become more apparent.

Everyone has been incredibly generous with me. Strangers on the airplanes (one from Nigeria, one from Secunderabad, India) have given me gifts. Ladies from India that I've only just met have invited me to come to their homes and visit. The family ties here extend way beyond family. There aren't services like ambulances, so everyone calls a family member, no matter how distant, if help is needed. The family I am staying with, in addition to coordinating 5 wedding events are helping numerous others, plus having guests including me. I am being included as part of the family.

For the wedding, we spent 2 days shopping for the wedding sari in nice shops. Everyone is involved in the decision: mother, father, me, Smriti, Mark, sister, aunt, grandma's youngest sister, grandpa. One learns a lot about both preferences and family relationships at the same time. It amazes me how smoothly the flow goes and how the decision in the end seemed to please everyone. There was a point where I wondered how this was going to happen, as everyone was describing his/her favorite at whatever store it had been, the clerks went and found that one last sari (out of hundreds) that we hadn't seen yet. It met everyone's desire and we all collectively seemed to sigh and say "Ah, this is it!" To see the bride and groom both light up confirmed it.

Today much of the family went shopping for Mark's sherwani and Smriti's traditional wedding jewelry. These shopping days usually go about 8-10 hours! Compromise and respect for each other dominate though, of course, there are many differences. I am loving the family and am amazed at the way they offer to fulfill my desires even before I ask most of the time. I'm being outfitted with even fancier saris than I brought - keep in mind there are 5 separate events that need gorgeous outfits. Jyotsna, Smriti's mother is very similar in size to me and she is also lending me some kurtas to wear. Generosity abounds, as does love. I feel so welcome.

While the family was out shopping, I went to Osania University to meet some librarians there, give an address to the library and information science students, go out to lunch with the directors of the program, hear more stories, and learn about how things are done in this country. There is much wisdom and understanding at the top level, and much patience for the contrasting values around. The Arts and Sciences building, which was built in 1935 and houses 28 different departments have an intricately carved domed ceiling, central open air courtyards, and two major inner stories to that courtyard. The 1st story is Hindu style arched architecture; the second story if Muslim style arched architecture. Talk about trying to incorporate the differences!

The pictures I took are still in my mind (and still in Patrick's camera -- thanks Patrick - it's working out great!). Outside the window of the Director of Continuing Education and the Library program a new canteen and technology center is being built. Right next to it are women doing laundry and laying it out to dry, people carrying buckets of water to the construction site to mix with sand, I think, privately owned bulls which have wandered onto the 1600 acre campus -- such simplicity and beauty and grace among such a variety of intellectual, physical and sustenance-producing events.


Tomorrow I am giving the valedictory address to a 5 day workshop for libraries who have been at a different college in Hyderabad for special training. I'm sure I'll miss some more shopping, but Grandpa says it's an everyday event, so don't worry. (He is a wise, wise, man in many ways.)

Blogs are supposed to be short, but I don't know how often I'll find the time and a computer to post, so I tried to cover some highlights. Til next time...

Coming with?

I feel like I am taking so many people to India with me in my heart. It's a big group adventure - friends, family, co-workers, store clerks, friends-of-friends. So, we'll leave the library and be on our way. I'm happy to have you with me!

From Ice to...

In 2 days I'll be starting a journey to a different culture, climate, and time zone. I'm very, very excited!
Before I leave, I'd like you to see what the weather has done here in Mount Vernon, Iowa this week. It's the thickest ice storm I remember - beautiful and dangerous at the same time. The weight of the ice on the trees is causing many branches to break, and some trees to fall. The crackling conversations in the trees is magical as much as it is a precursor to falling ice. I took these photos on the first day of the storm, and on the 3rd day, after the sun shone through.