links to others' photos of the wedding and India

Although I still plan to post some of my photos, if you want to see more professional photos, here are some links:

Professional photographer's photographs part one
Professional photographer's photographs part two

Mark's father's photographs part one: Bride and Groom Making Ceremonies
Mark's father's photographs part two: Mehndi celebration
Mark's father's photographs part three: Wedding Ceremony, part 1
Mark's father's photographs part four: Wedding Ceremony, part 2

Mark's cousin Gretchen Wegner's and Katherine's photographs:

traveling back

My first plane left at 3:35 a.m. The rest of the trip, it was hard to know what time it was. It was easier to keep track of what day it was because I knew that I was leaving on January 12, and also returning on January 12, even though the trip was over 25 hours. There's an 11.5 hour time difference, and you lose the time on the way over, and get it back on the return trip.

The taxi ride was a bit exciting. It arrived about 45 minutes later than I expected, and involved several phone calls from my clinic hosts to the taxi company. The driver assured me that he'd get me there in plenty of time, and he did. I thought that at one in the morning, there wouldn't be much traffic. Traffic was lighter than during the day, but in some ways crazier. My cab drive did a lot of honking as several times vehicles were coming directly at us with their headlights on. One of these vehicles was a wide truck/cart with hay hanging over the sides. He wove around them and mentioned that a lot of drivers at this time have been drinking, so it's not really safe to be out. We did talk about how wonderful Hyderabad people are. He said that everyone there is equal to each other -- Muslims and Hindus respect each other and are not "angry on each other" and that makes for a nice atmosphere. The driver said his schedule is 15 days on night shift, then 15 days on the day shift. A previous drive told me that he's on duty 7 days/week and had been driving a taxi for 13 years! This driver asked me how long I had been at the clinic and how happy I was. He often does the airport runs for this clinic and meets people from all over the world this way. After he asked me about my happiness level, he told me about a previous patient who had been very happy. She was a young woman whose fingers were curled over and she couldn't bend them when she arrived. On the return trip, she could straighten them out. He was demonstrating all of this while maneuvering through the traffic. She was so happy, she asked him if he preferred his tip in rupees or dollars. He said she tipped him $50 (for a $10 taxi ride). I said she must have been very happy AND very rich! We had been told that a reasonable and fair tip was 50 rupees (about $1.25) I think he wished I was happier and richer! At the airport, my luggage was passed to a man who had a cart. I had been warned that the carts are free and that I shouldn't let anyone convince me that I needed them to help me. However, at this point, it was a lot easier not to argue, and I was happy to be at the airport. I quickly realized how valuable the "cart man" was. He knew exactly what lines I needed to be in and maneuvered me through the crowds and got me to the right line. The signage in Indian airports isn't that great, or perhaps I just don't understand the language they are posted in so I don't really see them. I was happy to tip this man 40 rupees. He would have been happy with 10, but by now, I was very happy and I liked his manner and efficiency and felt he deserved a generous tip. My last tip in India was when I used the rest room and the lady at the door offered me a roll of toilet paper and showed me to a clean Western style toilet stall. She didn't ask for a tip, but I thought I should give her something, so I gave her 2 rupees. It was probably the appropriate amount, but she said no, it was 10 rupees. Luckily, I had one more 10 rupee note and gave it to her, again, glad of her services. While I was waiting for boarding, I found a postcard to Mom that I hadn't mailed yet and started looking around for a "letter box". I didn't see many of those in India, and didn't get the lay of the land for where they keep them. I asked a room attendant, who was making sure that everyone's hand baggage was properly security-tagged and that people were sitting down rather than walking around to stretch before the 10+ hour flight (I know that was one of the duties because another attendant had asked me to sit down.) The attendant said there wasn't a letter box around there and I should just mail it when I got to the next airport (Amsterdam) or to the U.S. I told her it wouldn't work with the Indian stamps. So she said she would personally mail it for me. I thought that was thoughtful of her. She didn't ask, nor did I even think of tipping her. Mom, I'll be curious if you ever get the postcard. Even if she mails it soon, I don't think it will come for a couple of months.

Before going to the airport, I had been blessed and garlanded by the in-residence pandit. It seemed that most people remove their garlands before they leave the house, but I decided to leave mine on. I think it helped while going through security. The "frisk" lady mentioned what a nice garland it was.

The only delay on the legs of the trip was in Detroit while waiting for the Cedar Rapids plane to board. Close to take-off time, they announced that there was a delay due to not knowing where the flight attendant was. As soon as she was located, they would be able to board us. I appreciated their honesty, though it was the funniest excuse I've heard! John met me at the airport, and now I'm home and doing well at adjusting to the difference in temperature, time zone, climate and people. It was a wonderful trip; it's also nice to be home again.

weight

I'd been cautioned before my trip that many people gain weight while in India, especially if they go to a wedding. At the end of the trip, the weight that I was concerned about wasn't my own, but the weight of my luggage. It had certainly gained a lot of weight! (I came home very close to the same as when I left, despite all the delicious food that I ate and the fact that I didn't feel sick at any time during the trip.) I left with one suitcase of 54 pounds and 2 carry-ons, including a laptop I was carrying over for someone. Returning, the rules are that you can only have one carry-on, but can have 2 suitcases with a maximum of 50 pounds each. I may not have quite hit the maximum weight on one of my bags, but I did hit the maximum of space. As a new friend from England suggested I "jettisoned" quite a lot of things I brought with me, but really didn't want to take home. The extra weight was mostly gifts and some things I bought, although I didn't think I was that excessive. It's a good thing I didn't buy a lot of the things I was considering. They took too much space.

on the roof

The other night, I went up to the roof of the clinic I'm staying in to hang some laundry to dry. The 4th floor is also affectionately known as the Penthouse. There is one patient room up there, but mostly it's a flat roof. There are clotheslines all over for hanging laundry to dry. There is a small washing machine on the roof, and numerous buckets for washing the clothes. I don't think anyone has a clothes dryer; everyone hangs clothes outside of windows, or the front porch, or wherever they can, even in the best of neighborhoods. Another energy efficient technique the Indians use. (I got "scolded" for doing my own laundry by the lady who sweeps the house. She said Lakshmi does the laundry. It is a bit difficult for me, but I think it is both pride in one's work, and job security that I don't do my own.) After the laundry dries, they leave stacks, something like my mother used to leave after the family's laundry was done and folded, and everyone picks up their own clothes -- on a bench on the roof. I wonder what they do during monsoon season?

That same night, for the 1st time since coming to India, I saw stars! I recognized Orion. The patch that was visible was not too large; it seemed to be a break in the clouds that was quite beautiful. In the city, I don't know if I forgot to look up, or if the skies were hazy or cloudy, or if there was too much light -- probably some combination of the above -- so I didn't see stars like I often do in my own backyard. A couple days later, in the early morning, I saw the sunrise.

Another thing that takes place on the roof is traditional vedic ceremonies which the pandit performs. A brick firepit is built right near the middle of the rooftop with laundry hanging on a couple of sides and people watching from the other 2 sides. No one minds a multipurpose room here; in fact, most rooms I've seen have many purposes.

I have also observed the cooks having their meals up here, sitting right on the roof. This seems to be common. At Smriti's home, they have had the same wonderful cook for 16 years and she is like part of the family in many ways. after everyone else had eaten, she took her meals sitting on the floor of the kitchen in her lovely saris. Although it might seem quite odd to us, it seems to feel quite natural to them (both the sitting on the floor part, and the fact that there are servants who do a lot of the work of running a household). Smriti's family said that it is difficult now to get cooks because so many go abroad for better wages. They feel lucky to have one they love, and who loves them. She works 7 days a week. Six days she starts at 8:30 am, and on Sundays she comes later in the morning after church. Usually she leaves in the early evening, I think. I wasn't often around at the time when she left. the evening meal is consumed around 8:30. For the most part, I think she prepared it in advance and it gets warmed up when it's time to eat.

signs and wisdom

Here are a few signs I've seen:

Billboard with words only: My father is the best. He wears a helmet.

Obey the traffic rules...

Don't use mobile phones while driving.

Some quotes from people I've met on this journey:

"For every problem, there is a solution." said by Jyotsna after the florist called at 4pm to say she couldn't do the flowers for the 8:00 event that night because her daughter's birthday party was getting bigger than she had planned. Jyotsna said she could have yelled at her, but what good would it do; she had already made up her mind. So, Jyotsna found another florist friend who provided very nice table decorations for the outdoor cocktail party/banquet.

"Life is beautiful. Enjoy it." parting blessing from Smriti's grandfather to me. He had a recurrence of a medical problem 2 days before the wedding, and was not feeling very well for those days, but he did make it to the wedding for the most important part, and was there to give the blessing of the grandfather, which brought tears to my eyes.

"If everyone was in bed early and asleep by 10 p.m. with their meal digested, cancer would virtually be eliminated from the planet." AW quoting Dr. K. (From 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. is pitta time when the body's energy is directed toward purification. Giving the body this time to do it's job makes the body purer and leads to more clarity of mind and better action during the day.)

transportation

There are many modes of transportation in India. I'll try to describe some that I've seen or experienced. Since I've been doing fairly local excursions, I haven't used the country's airplanes or trains, although I've heard stories.

Personal cars
Middle class people often seem to own a car. Women were the principal drivers among the ones I met, but that is probably not representative. Cars are small (Tata & Varun being two brand names I've noticed). My Honda Civic would seem large here. The streets are very crowded and being able to squeeze (almost literally) among vehicles, people, carts, etc. with inches to spare is necessary. One man I met told me that a few years ago his commute to work was 30 minutes, the next year it was 60 minutes, this year it's 90 minutes. He said "Who knows, maybe next year I won't make it." (btw, his advice to me for surviving in India traffic was "Don't look out the window." I noticed 3 Camrys on the streets during multiple jaunts, and they are largely out of place and not very practical. One of Smriti's aunts, a software executive, was driving her daughter's vehicle (small size) and said she has a larger one at home but doesn't use it much because it's too large to be practical.

Taxis
This is a very handy mode for getting around, and quite comfortable. You hire someone (minimum of 4 hours, maximum of 40 km.) for about 400 rupees (~$10) and they'll take you places and wait for you. The first thing they do is try to exchange cell phone numbers so you can call them as soon as you're ready to go to the next destination. Each taxi has a "song" that plays when he's backing up. When I was first in India, I thought I was hearing cell phone ring tones. I've heard a few I recognized: e.g. "It's a Small World After All" "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" When I went to Osmania University, they sent a car for me (Jyotsna said they should do this, otherwise I'd get lost). I had no idea how long I'd be there, so I was surprised when the driver indicated he would wait. When it was time for lunch, the driver took the director, the professor and I to Suprabhat (a restaurant). Afterwards, he wasn't visible, but the others didn't seem surprised. While we were waiting for him to reappear, I watched other traffic patterns like...

Buses
I was warned not to try these, but here's how it works. There are official bus stops where many people wait. However, if anyone wants to get on or off at any other time, you're welcome to do so as long as you can run and jump on, or exit similarly. I saw it happen many times; it is commonplace. With so much traffic, you can't really drive that fast. Often, there are many people hanging off the side entrances. The buses can get really crowded. Raja (who takes the bus the 25 km to work at Hyderabad University) and Jyotsna's mother (much to the family's dismay, but she is an independent thinker) are the only family members who regularly take the bus.

Autorickshaws
These are so common! They can seat 3 people close together on the back seat, and maybe one in the front. I've seen 6+ people in them. Usually these are for short, quick jaunts. They are open-air and run on a 3 cycle motorcycle type engine. They (and everyone else) sound their horns regularly. This lets people know you're coming and there are even signs on the backs of many trucks and autos that say "Please sound horn." Some "beep" more aggressively than others. The autorickshaws may also be loaded (and I do mean loaded with provisions (grains, vegetables, wood, huge sacks, just about anything)-- more than you'd think can be carried. These work by meter (often broken), or by negotiating a price with the driver before you get in.

Motorcycles and Scooters
These are very common and quite practical for getting around in crowded traffic, but you really do have to watch out for them. It's common to see a man driving with a woman in a sari riding sidesaddle behind him. It's also quite common to see a child in front and a child in back of the couple. Some have told me they've seen as many as 6 riding on one of these. Mark's best man, Greg, who flew in from Minnesota to Mark's surprise (and to Greg's surprise, ended up being the best man and very much a part of the ceremonies) commented "This is India's version of the minivan." These are also seen carrying big loads. I've never seen one lose its balance! It's also rare to see anyone with a helmet on.

Bicycles
Bicycles are common for people of all ages. They can be carrying unbelievably huge loads as well.

Carts pulled by oxen
I didn't see these until I was near the edge of the city, but then I've seen several. These also carry huge, huge loads and move slowly through the traffic.

Walking
This is very common. People walk near the sides of the road, or on the road. Some of the beeping is to warn them. I haven't seen any accidents. On only one trip were the roads free enough of traffic for the driver to get up a speed which seemed fast, but was probably equivalent to about 40 miles per hour.

construction

This is a 4th story being added to a home. The bricks, piles of gravel, etc. get left in the street, maybe in front of the house under construction, maybe in front of a neighbor's house. From the pace I observed, it could be months before this project will be completed. No one seems to mind the supplies in the street.

There are construction sites everywhere. I tried to take pictures of some workers yesterday and they seemed to want them taken. So, I approached closer and they removed the rags they had on their heads (who wouldn't want to look their best for a photo?) and posed. It is the rags that protect their heads from all the dust they carry, etc.

This morning, a couple of the ladies I photographed yesterday saw me. Today they had huge bags they were carrying on their heads. They pointed to the bags and I'm pretty sure they wanted me to get a picture of them carrying the bags. I think the bags were filled with sand. I didn't have the camera with me, and after I went inside to get it, I couldn't find them again. Here's a picture a few days later of the pile of gravel which I saw being carried on a plate balanced on a man's head, and him walking up 3 flights of stairs with it. If you look carefully at the front of the gravel pile, I think you can see a plate of gravel there.

In addition to a lot of construction, I walked through a tent area where apparently a lot of the maids for this area work. It reminded me of the contrast (only rather more extreme) between the Palo Alto/Stanford area and East Palo Alto. Many of the tents are patched together pieces of plastic (the yellow surrounding the "front door" of the tent on the left is an example of this) or fabric. They literally are like the tents we used to play in as children with a blanket over a clothesline. It's no wonder the workers have a difficult time reaching the standards of cleanliness expected by Westerners. Living with a dirt floor and no walls to wash, and no bathroom, how would one know where to begin? Yesterday, one of the cleaners here was sweeping the floor, and I was cleaning off a glass table that had some wax spilled on it and a few days of dust -- it gathers quickly in this area. The cleaner stopped me and indicated that she would do it. Sometimes just knowing what to do is all they need. Many of them do have a sense of pride in their station in life.

in the park

There's a lovely park I pass through a few times a day. Each time has different activities going on. The park is divided by hedges of bushes, and has a central walkway. There are numerous hedged sections. In the morning, there's a relatively large man doing yoga. Yesterday, he was doing the bridge as I passed by. There are also the workers who seem to be weeding. They have small scythes but I haven't seen them in action, other than one lady holding hers up to wave at me. The two ladies in saris were about half way across the area today and behind them were piles of grass. as with most workers, they don't seem to be moving quickly, but must pace themselves as most of them seem to work very long days. 12 hours is not uncommon.

Yesterday I noticed some unusual (for me) butterflies and I was trying to get a picture of them on a flowering tree. There was a boy about 10-12 who appeared to be mentally challenged who was following my activities with interest and trying to find more butterflies for me. After I got all that I could, he posed for a picture. As I was exiting the park there were 3 girls on bicycles who seemed eager to have their photos taken, so I took theirs and showed them afterwards.

In different areas of the park around 5:30 there were 5 men who were chanting while reading from some books -- possibly prayers or the vedas, a group of women relaxing, some young children playing with sticks and the bushes on the center pathway, the same weeders that were there in the morning, a group of young boys playing cricket, some couples strolling together -- each in their own section apparently oblivious to the rest of the sections. It is refreshing to see the green. The people are getting friendlier the longer I am here.

pulse

Pulse has a couple of meanings here. Pulses are the beans in dahls, one of the protein staples. I learned since coming here that not all Indians are vegetarians. The brahmin caste is vegetarian, ksatriya's (warrior caste) isn't because they need the strength to fight), the merchant class is often vegetarian, and the shudras (servants) generally are not. I'm sure there are exceptions to all, and different interpretations to be discovered. A couple of Smriti's friends told me they would really miss mutton biryani if they had to be vegetarians.

Pulse diagnosis is the method the vaidyas (doctors) use in Ayurvedic medicine. When the doctor felt my pulse, in just a few seconds, he told me I had the beginning stages of arthritis (also diagnosed in Western medicine close to 20 years ago), and that there is a history of arthritis in my family (true) and a history of diabetes in my family (true) but that I don't have it yet, that I have back and neck problems (ture) due to an injury about 30 years ago (I don't recall a specific event, but 26 years ago was rear-ended, and about 31 years ago I fell badly enough that I wrote a poem about it). A good ayurvedic practitioner can also feel the seeds of future diseases and offer preventive solutions. This is what I'm here for, continuing to keep disease at bay, or remove it if possible. For many years I've been having yearly treatments when I feel my joints start to stiffen a bit, and find that these have kept me flexible and keep stiffness at a minimum.

Everyday in this clinic, the Doctor feels my pulse and will prescribe treatments based on what I need at the time. Today, my third day he said "very good, more relaxed" and answered my questions. Everyone is quite kind. The technicians are trained for 6 months before they get a job here. One of them I met yesterday said her birthday is today, but that her family never celebrated birthdays. She's from a village in Andhra Pradesh and has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. She was surprised to hear the I have 7 brothers and 4 sisters. Many times, language is a difficulty; sometimes even the accent if a barrier. In the massage room, prezir means pressure. Sleep means lie down. Turn sometimes sounds the same as done, but then I realized when we're done they say "finished". Most of the time, it's quiet and I just relax and enjoy.

Today the doorways are decorated colorfully with Happy New Year designs. Last night there were fireworks at midnight and lots of cheering.

The community I'm in now is outside of town and has a lot less traffic and pollution. The students are dressed in uniforms for school and I haven't seen any Western clothes at all being worn, unlike in the big city where there are lots of saris, salvars and kurtis, or is that kurtas - one is short and one is long and I forget which is which - (aka punjabis by some) and lots of Western style clothing: tops, jeans, etc. Another example of the contrasts in India. And I've only seen one city and its surroundings.